One of the most difficult things in existence can be when a relationship comes to a grinding halt. Occasionally, when this happens, it can be a joint decision which has been amicably reached by both partners. This can still be a bit difficult, but at least both parties felt it was time to move on, so they can part friends.

If only all relationships could end like this, it would be so much easier on everyone. Sadly, however, when a relationship ends, it is most likely one person wanted out while the other one wanted anything BUT an ending. This is the person who needs advice on how to get over the end of a relationship.

The first step in recovering from a broken relationship is to grieve. Grief is always the first step in moving past any significant loss. After all, the ending of a relationship is also a death, of sorts. Even if it was what needed to happen, there is still profound sadness that things will never be the same again. The grieving period should be long enough to be rid of the sadness, but it should not be allowed to last forever. Let yourself cry, scream, throw things, or whatever else makes you feel a bit better. Get it out of your system so you can move on.

At some point during the grieving process will come the acceptance that things are not going to change, and that the relationship is truly at an end. This is a positive turning point because, now, the real healing process can begin. Don’t force yourself to move any faster than you feel is good or possible for you. However, also, don’t allow yourself to simply wallow in your grief. You MUST try to move forward in your life if that is ever going to happen. Take baby steps and ease yourself back into the real world.

Before you realize it, you will experience a full hour of not thinking about your ex. That will eventually turn into a full day, then a week. Eventually, the ache and the pain will dull. One day, you will just wake up feeling happy the way you used to.

Allow your friends and family to help you through this very difficult time, but only to the extent that you are ready. Granted, in the beginning you will most likely want a lot of time alone. But don’t let that become too much of a habit. Gradually, let them spend time with you, take you out, or help you get rid of painful reminders of your past relationship. Your friends will be your lifeline when it comes to re-entering the world.  Before you turn them away, remember that they care about you and want to help make things easier for you, if they can. So, let them.

When a relationship first ends, it may feel as if life, itself, has ended as well. You may not see it at first, but there is always a light shining at the end of the tunnel. Just be patient enough to reach it.

Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you.

These four simple statements are powerful tools for improving your relationships and your life. As a doctor caring for seriously ill patients for nearly 15 years of emergency medicine practice and more than 25 years in hospice and palliative care, I have taught hundreds of patients who  were facing life’s end, when suffering can be profound, to say the Four Things. But the Four Things apply at any time. Comprising just eleven words, these four short sentences carry the core wisdom of what people who are dying have taught me about what matters most in life.

The Wisdom of Stating the Obvious
Ask a man who is being wheeled into transplant surgery or a woman facing chemotherapy for the third time what’s on his or her mind and the answer will always involve the people they love. Always.

The specter of death reveals our relationships to be our most precious possessions. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve met people in my office, an emergency room, or a hospice program who have expressed deep regret over things they wish they had said before a grandparent, parent, sibling, or friend died. They can’t change what was, but without fail their regrets have fueled a healthy resolve to say what needs to be said before it’s too late – to clear away hurt feelings, to connect in profound ways with the people who mean the most to them.

Everyone knows that all relationships, even the most loving, have occasional rough spots. We assume that the people we love know that we love them, even if we’ve had our disagreements and tense moments. Yet when someone we love dies suddenly, we often have gnawing doubts.

We are all sons or daughters, whether we are six years of age or ninety-six. Even the most loving parent-child relationship can feel forever incomplete if your mother or father dies without having explicitly expressed affection for you or without having acknowledged past tensions.  I’ve learned from my patients and their families about the painful regret that comes from not speaking these most basic feelings.

Again and again, I’ve witnessed the value of stating the obvious. When you love someone, it is never too soon to say “I love you,” or premature to say “Thank you,” “I forgive you,” or “Will you please forgive me?” When there is nothing of profound importance left unsaid, relationships tend to take on an aspect of celebration, as they should.

A deep, natural drive to connect with others lies at the heart of what it means to be human. The Four Things can help you discover opportunities to enliven all your important relationships—with your children, parents, relatives, and close friends. You need not wait until you or someone you love is seriously ill. By taking the time and by caring enough to express forgiveness, gratitude, and affection, you can renew and revitalize your most precious connections.

The Practice of Good-bye
It’s been said that life is a sexually transmitted condition with a terminal prognosis. Having worked for years in close proximity to death, I have come to understand viscerally that we live every moment on the brink. We are, each one of us, at every moment, a heartbeat away from death. Seen against the backdrop of our certain mortality, our differences are dwarfed by our commonality – and the importance we hold for one another.

The stories in The Four Things That Matter Most are drawn from the experiences of people who have stood at death’s door, and from their loved ones who learned to use the Four Things in their own daily lives. These stories inspire us to open to the potential for emotional wholeness at any moment in our lives – even in our most troubled relationships.

When I work with people who are approaching the end of life, I emphasize the value of saying the Four Things and I also encourage them to say good-bye. The Four Things offer essential wisdom for completing a lifelong relationship before a final parting. Thankfully, not all good-byes are final – but good-byes can be meaningful.  It’s important to say good-bye in a way that affirms our relationship and acknowledges our connection to one another.

The word “good-bye” derives from “God be with you,” a blessing that was traditionally given at parting and, in some churches, still is.  The protection and God’s help of presence and guidance can be requested whether two people expect to be separated a few hours or forever. In leaving nothing unsaid, we can recapture this original meaning, so that, in saying good-bye, we are actually blessing one another in our daily interactions as well as when we face major life challenges or crises. It only takes a moment to shift the way you say good-bye from a reflex to a conscious practice. Your good-bye and your blessing can become treasured gifts to other people as you part.

Expanding the Realm of the Possible
Our world is bounded by our imagination. This may sound philosophical, but I mean it in a most practical, tangible sense. Helen Keller once wrote, “Worse than being blind would be to be able to see but not have any vision.” When a formerly cherished relationship is marred by unkindness, bitterness, or betrayal, we may assume that healing is beyond our grasp, but this assumption can create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Do you really want to have such a limitation on your vision for your life?

The extraordinary experiences of the people whose stories I tell in this book demonstrate that healing and wholeness are always possible. Even after years of alienation, of harsh criticism, rejection, or frustration, you can establish – or re-establish – authentic understanding and appreciation of others with the help of the Four Things.

Even as people confront death (their own or others’), they can reach out to express love, gratitude, and forgiveness. When they do, they consistently find that they, and everyone involved, are transformed—for the rest of their life, whether those lives last for decades or just days. Stories and experiences of people who have courageously used the Four Things enlarge our vision and imagination, expanding the realm of the possible for us all.

Restoring Closeness
The Four Things are powerful tools for reconciling the rifts that divide us and restoring the closeness we innately desire.  When bad feelings occur in our close relationships, we tend to put off the work required to make things right. We always assume we’ll have another chance…later. That’s understandable, but it’s a mistake. Feeling resentful toward the people we love, or once loved, feeling distant from them, erodes our own happiness.

A brush with death often instills in us a new found appreciation for the gift of life. Simple pleasures – a cup of tea, sunshine on one’s face, the voices of our children – feel like miracles. When we’ve had a close call that shakes us up, the anger we’ve felt toward people closest to us no longer seems significant. Ill will dissolves in love, appreciation, and affection, and we recognize the urgency of mending, tending, and celebrating our relationships.

Because accidents and sudden illness do happen, it is never too soon to express forgiveness, to say thank you and I love you to the people who have been an integral or intimate part of our lives, and say good-bye as a blessing. These simple words hold essential wisdom for transforming that which matters most in our lives – our relationships with the people we love.

Available at Amazon: The Four Things That Matter Most

In life, we all try to succeed in all the possible ways. We push ourselves hard; we try hard and end up with the additional stress and tension in life. These stress and tension makes the life of an individual more worse. It also affects your other relations, you easily will get irritated and frustrated with the people those are important to you. This all will lead to the unhappy life and hinders the quality of life.

Stress, tension and worrying about the future will never help any individual to get any positive change. Moreover, it will bring negativity in a person and try to demolish all the positive things in your thoughts. A person who seeks to achieve the quality of life should ensure that we should minimize or eliminate the sources of these stresses. Due to such reasons many a time people mix their work life with the personal life. This could result in further tensions, because of the instability in life and imbalance of work and personal life. You can improve the quality of life by managing proper balance and stability on both part of life. One should always leave the work related tension at the workplace and never involves the personal life with the work.

Another important aspect to achieve the quality of life is to acquire the positive thoughts in mind. Every positive thought in mind motivates a person to be creative and to stick to the right path that enhances the quality of life. On the other hand, negative thoughts hinder in every possible way. People feel dull and stressed because negative thoughts bring negative influence in their character and finally to their behavior and views towards the life. So it is important to replace all the negative thoughts with positive ones.

Every act we do define the path of our life. How our life reflects depends up on the choices we make in life. So, it is certainly important to do the needful and correct act that helps to get the enhanced quality in our life. A person with such acts surely get appreciates from every person and becomes ideal in their groups.